There are times
in every relationship where words get spoken by the other party that sting or
stick to the memory of the person being spoken to. Whether or not such words
were meant to inflict the sting is immaterial, the fact is the deed has been
done. The words have been spoken (sometimes foolishly).
I find such
times to be very troubling; especially when it is my wife that has spoken such
words. Sometimes men can just be oversensitive, we take certain things too far
and regard every suggestion by our women as a bruise on our ego (Although i must admit women DO take words very seriously for the most part) anyway, people
generally do not like being spoken to in a bad way. Words are very powerful and
they have a way of affecting us very strongly, sometimes even more than
physical assault. As a result, we find ourselves lashing out at the person; one
way or another. Even when we say we won’t lash out and we repress it. The best solution is to talk to the person about it and let the
cards fall where they may. The problem is that is easier said than done
In my case, I
find it hard to say I’ve been hurt by words. I’m not a talkative person (which
is why I know that it is only by the Grace of God that I preach) and I find
myself repressing a lot of feelings. But repression will not stop us from
ruminating on the words; turning them over; thinking of all the witty replies
to the statement; all the flaws to the statement; all the reasons why what she
said proves that she does not have my back…. This kind of thing can go on in my
mind for the whole day!!! If unchecked, this kind of thinking can take root and
become a very deep seated bitterness and resentment towards the person. You
find yourself subconsciously seeking justice and unknowingly punishing the
person for saying something they didn’t mean to be understood that way.
If you are like me in this department, I have
come to understand one simple fact- THE PERSON YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT IS COMPLETELY
OBLIVIOUS OF THE FACT THAT YOU’RE UPSET. They probably would have never in
their wildest dreams imagined that those words would have had that effect on
you. They most likely did not mean it that way. The other person is either
lying next to you enjoying a good night sleep, or at work doing their own thing
while you’re there philosophizing on a forgotten statement for hours. In
addition, even if the words were made to hurt, the purpose has been
accomplished by your allowing it to affect you that much. You have given the
person the satisfaction of hurting you
We should also recognize that we are all broken in some way; even when we realize our identity and completeness in Christ, we have a lot of mind renewal to undergo. So we have two or three people who have issues of their own trying to live life together, surely stupid things will be said
We should also recognize that we are all broken in some way; even when we realize our identity and completeness in Christ, we have a lot of mind renewal to undergo. So we have two or three people who have issues of their own trying to live life together, surely stupid things will be said
The reason we
hurt so much is because we have come to depend on this person for our
happiness, so we don’t even love them because we love them anymore- we love
them because we want them to love us back. However, to become dependent on a
loved one makes it impossible for us to truly love that person. When we live
our lives needing their approval, their respect and their love, we make it
impossible to be honest with them and to be free to just love them.
The truth is,
man was designed to be loved, approved and affirmed; we just weren’t designed
to seek it from one another. God made us to live in His Love, His approval and
His affirmation. Just like Jesus did. When he stepped out of the waters of baptism,
he received the Holy Spirit and the words of his Father calling him “beloved”
and the one in whom he was “well pleased”. On the strength of that statement,
he went and conquered Satan. Beloved, God is saying the same to you too right
now; He loves you, approves of you and sees you as pleasing. On the strength of
that, we go out and love others. Like John said, “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). That way, we can
be honest with people around us and actually tell them when we were hurt and
let the cards lie where they may. We will also be able to look beyond ourselves
and see things from the other person’s point of view; most times the other
party has a point. Then the healing can really begin
Now I am not undermining the pain of hurtful words, neither am i in anyway condoning abusive words in a relationship of any kind (if you're a victim of abuse please realize your freedom in God from the shackles of that abuser). This post is dealing mostly with just everyday stings of words and arguments that occur between two people who genuinely love each other and are working at having a healthy relationship
Now I am not undermining the pain of hurtful words, neither am i in anyway condoning abusive words in a relationship of any kind (if you're a victim of abuse please realize your freedom in God from the shackles of that abuser). This post is dealing mostly with just everyday stings of words and arguments that occur between two people who genuinely love each other and are working at having a healthy relationship
May the Grace of
our Lord Jesus be with you.
